Broken Heart

When it rains, it pours?

In April, the older Glitter Pup - my first baby - suddenly passed away. Just typing the words still makes me cry. I had just started to come to grips with my younger pup’s cancer when he decided to quietly slip away in the same resolute way that he lived his life, i.e. he was determined to be first :) 

Don't get me wrong... I love all my animals, but his absence has left a Grand Canyon-sized hole in my heart. I liken it to the way parents love their kids. You love them all equally, but have a different relationship with each. We had been together the longest and living without him still feels unthinkable most days. I find myself looking for him in the house or when we’re on walks. It just doesn’t feel normal to be without him.

I got him when I was in my early 20s, and we grew up together. He helped teach the other glitter animals our house rules, was the one to curl up next to me at night (the other three take turns now), and taught me absolutely everything about patience and caring for someone more than myself. He was my best friend.

When he first passed away, I couldn't even think about it without full-on ugly crying. (Sorry if you were the guy sitting next to me on that airplane Easter weekend. I apologize for the uncomfortable amount of tears, snot, and Kleenex you witnessed for six hours.)

Lately, however, I've been thinking about all the life lessons the G brood has taught me. Here are a few:

1      LIVE IN THE MOMENT – This one comes courtesy of Glitter Pup #2. She’s been so stoic about losing her bestie. I truly believe that she is sad, but she is definitely back to business as usual. I’m still a mess, but I think she has the right idea. We’re alive now and should make the most of every day.

2      SOMETIMES STEALTH WORKS/TIMING IS EVERYTHING – When Glitter Pup #1 was about 2, he was allowed in the dining room during Christmas dinner. He sat at the edge of the table, getting tons of praise for being such a good boy. Then, when everyone was talking/laughing/distracted he quietly stood on his hind legs and stole one piece of ham off of a platter. It is still the funniest thing that has ever happened at a family dinner.

3      THERE IS ALWAYS ROOM FOR MORE LOVE – I never set out to have four animals. Only Glitter Pup #2 was a planned addition. The other three came into my life in random ways. Each time I was so nervous, but it always has worked out and I’m so incredibly grateful for each one of them. They were meant to be a part of our family and have taught me to approach life with a more open heart.

To my little man, you were the biggest heart wrapped up in a tiny beagle body. I miss you every single second of every single day.