“She wasn’t given wings to see the
world from a tree.” – Atticus
I quit my job. Scary words, even to
type now. My hands shook that Monday morning as I clicked send on that email. It
was terrifying. I can’t say that I hadn’t thought about leaving for quite some
time (multiple times a day every single day for six months) but actually
quitting was completely spontaneous.
There were a lot of issues at my work
that I’m not going to mention here, but as someone who is no stranger to
depression I can say that I was slipping into dangerous emotional and mental
territory. The weight was just too much. So I put it down.
But now… What’s next?
I thought I had another job lined up
but it didn’t work out. I know I should be afraid, but I’m not so scared of
that part. In my heart, I know exactly what I want and I’m concretely working
toward my goals. But, it’s scary.
What if it doesn’t work out? I have no
back up plan.
However, I also feel… Honest? Is that
crazy? For the first time in 10 years, I’m only doing exactly what I want. Not
backburnering my “side” project for other responsibilities. It IS my primary
responsibility now. It makes me feel lighter and yet more focused. I guess I’d
rather just be a person who does what she wants even though she’s scared out of
her mind, rather than wait for the “right” moment. What if that moment never
came along? Should I have just waited forever?
So, here’s to leaping without looking.
I have faith that my net is going to appear, and that it’s going to be
beautiful…
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