Heartache. (And why you should see Bridget Jones's Baby this weekend...)

This post might become a weird mash up of feelings, but here goes...

Like all of us, I have had a good amount of heartache (and heartbreak) in my time. But something happened last week that hit me so much harder than I anticipated.

First off, I'm a bit of a Good Luck Chuck in my past relationships. My exes are notorious for marrying the girl they date after me, most of whom are very nice, simple girls - pretty much the opposite of me. (I subscribe to the Carrie Bradshaw/The Way We Were two groups of women theory. If you don't know what I'm talking about, see Sex & The City, S2 Ep18.) I only mention this because the count is now at 12. I also feel the need to mention that I'm the farthest thing from easy, some of my relationships with those guys lasted years, and some of them have since divorced their rebound girls. But still, 12. That's not a fluke. One of my friends said I should write the script about my romantic disasters. If you're wondering how being this woman feels, I'll tell you. It feels a little bit like crap. Or a lot like crap, depending on the day.

Truthfully, I only saw myself marrying one of those men. And even then I felt that feeling. You know what I'm talking about. The one that makes you internally cringe every time you think, "This is what the rest of my life will be like." But he was a good guy, had a good family, and we were happy. I like the idea of having a teammate in life and I've always wanted to have kids. That's where the second part comes in.

My ex just had a baby with his new wife. Now, we broke up ages ago, and I am over him in every way it's possible to be over someone you once loved. But, looking at pictures of him holding this small human? I feel like I've been punched in the uterus. HARD. And it hurts. It's something other than jealousy, but I don't know what to do with these feelings yet and it's freaking me out.

Cut to this week. I was invited to a Bridget Jones's Baby screening on Tuesday and since I was apparently having baby fever, I went. I loved, loved, loved it! Renee Zellweger shone, the jokes hit at the right time (seriously, the entire theater was laughing all the way through the movie), and it was a nice brain break from reality. The plot is slightly predictable, but I promise you you won't care. The movie is time spent with our old friend Bridget and is just plain fun. I can't wait to see it again!