Discipline.

I'm always in awe of uber-disciplined people. I know it takes such massive amounts of work to live this way - whether it be mental, physical, organizational, etc. but people who are disciplined seem to make everything look so easy.

I was thinking a lot about discipline this week. I had gone to the gym every day until I got sidelined by work on Thursday. I kept feeling like I should have just left the office and gone to work out, but I just couldn't bring myself to leave. This was my thought - am I being disciplined by meeting my deadline or not disciplined by shirking off the gym? Sometimes I hate the realities of the day-to-day...

All this made me realize the root of my discipline jealousy. It's the fact that it pares everything down. Choices are already made. Stuff gets done. Emotions are taken out of the equation. I struggle so much with this internally because my feelings trip me up, i.e. is it wrong to choose what's best for me (the gym) or my work (meeting the deadline)? I get that those priorities are always changing, but I still feel like I'm constantly at war with myself.

I've decided on two new tactics to tackle my desire to be disciplined. 1) Think about things in smaller bursts of time, even if it is just one day at a time and 2) be nicer to myself. One day of not going to the gym isn't going to totally derail my fitness goals, and beating myself up isn't going to make me any more motivated. Maybe they'll work, maybe more adjusting will be necessary - either way, I just want to keep trying.