In The "Right."

Question for the Universe: When you are doing everything "right" and everything is still going wrong, will doing the "wrong" things make life go right?

So many months later, and STILL. CAN'T. STOP. LISTENING.

I'm just so tired of fighting. I don't want anyone to get hurt (including myself), but pushing against the direction part of my life is going is freaking exhausting. Not to mention, seemingly futile. No matter what I do, it's all happening anyway. I can't seem to stop it.

I should preface all this by mentioning that I'm pretty much the most stubborn law school dropout alive. In the rare (yes, rare) instances when I think myself to be totally correct I will make sure to convince you (and every other person who might disagree with me) that there's no other way to see things but my way. Except this time, the only person I'm trying to convince is me. It's making my brain feel like and Inception mindfuck.

I'm trying so hard to give up control and be vulnerable WHICH I HATE. A LOT. I'm trying so hard to not beat myself up. I'm trying so hard to do the best that I can to make it through each day. And yet, I'm failing.

The only option I have is to give into what's happening. Bashing my head against the wall is definitely not working out well. All I'm saying is it'd be nice to come out on the other side of this storm with a HUGE bottle of lightning ;) xo